


This love was never ours , my beautiful song of sorrow.

by Dawn_dolphin



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Death, Disease, Established Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, Forced Marriage, Forced Relationship, Hurt No Comfort, I am a science major I dont write very well, I have it planned out but I will add more tags slowly, I used my anger and channeled it into angst, M/M, Mentions of Death, Not Beta Read, Regrets, Soobin and Yeonjun are dumb dumb, Toxic Relationships, Yeonbin married, implied suicide, it is a basic very thinkable plot, it is not as dramatic as it sounds but a little sad, mentions of meds, please dont judge my writing, plot form a cnovel, self hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 13:08:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30022269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dawn_dolphin/pseuds/Dawn_dolphin
Summary: Yeonjun lived to hate SoobinSoobin lived to love YeonjunBoth were too lateBoth were too tragicThis lifetime was never meant to be theirsalternatively ,  forced marriage au that is pure angstPlot inspired from a cnovel which I will link after I find it!
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Kudos: 9





	This love was never ours , my beautiful song of sorrow.

_ 13 January _ ,  _ Raining _ .

I was standing outside the gate, there was a crisp chill in the air. The wind blowing water towards me rendering my umbrella useless.

I was waiting for my Yeonjun,a week away from him was torture for me. How could I ever bear being away from him for even a second more?

I wanted to go to the airport to pick him up.But, he had coldly forbidden me from doing so telling me that he had some files he would have to urgently submit before coming to the residence.

Residence, He always called our home a residence, he never called it a home. But, that was okay.I loved him with all my heart.I loved him even if he ignored all my calls and I loved him even if I knew that what he had to deliver were not files, but himself.

At seven o'clock sharp, Yeonjun pulled in front of the gate in a taxi. Excited I quickly ran out of the garden.

“Yeonjun, Yeonjun” chirpy as the little bird, I rushed, dying to be embraced in his warmth.

Yeonjun who was smiling at the driver lifted his head up at my voice. He had not expected me to be waiting for him outside, his eyes, previously full of mirth, lost their shine.

He quickly evaded my hug , subtle enough for it to not rouse the driver’s suspicion.There was disgust in his eyes , the eerie quiet mocking me, reminding me that he had been embracing another man before this.

I sought warmth from him, nothing else, just warmth. Yet, this was something I would never receive from him. I did not know this yet, but the warmth would hurt more than the cold.

I knew where Yeonjun had been , I could see the mocking and the disdain in his eyes. Yet, I had refused to let my mind draw attention to it. I could never hate him , after all he had never wanted my love.

“Yeonjun I missed you.” I said as I clung to him , spilling my heart out. The man whose body had been enveloped by my own went rigid .He was wrapped in layers, yet not a sliver of that warmth was spared for me .

I was not destined to receive his warmth in this life

His face remained expressionless as he said, ‘Let’s go home!’

I continued to beam as I nodded, because of his word ‘home’. I knew that this was just a careless, unintentional word on his part, but I was long accustomed to deliberately misinterpreting the meaning behind his words, spinning them in a favorable, comforting light, so my heart still warmed.

Entering the house...home , Yeonjun quickly left for a shower and I took his luggage to our bedroom in order to unpack.

Spouses would bring their other halves souvenirs from their trips.

I had never received one. Yeonjun had always made it clear that I was too rich and too hated for receiving one.

I had wanted to protest: everything I could buy, no matter how expensive or precious they were, could never measure up to a single item from him.

But as I had stared at the expression on his face, I could only shrink back, swallowing my words.

He hated me , yet I could only silently love him. He should hate me.I had used every mean and every passage I could find to make Yeonjun mine. I had separated him from his family, snatched away his love and threatened him with unemployment, all for love.

Things were never happy, he was never mine. His love was never mine.

As a revenge of putting him through so much, on our wedding day, as he slipped the ring onto my finger he had whispered into my ear words that still haunt me.

“Soobin , I marry you today, simply because there is no other way. Love aside, I will never let you see the face of happiness and I will never talk about loving you. Soobin I will hate you till the day we die.”

To tell a person they are hated on their wedding day, I had never expected this. But I deserved this hate, I know I did. I was foolish and in love.

_ (That day they once again went to sleep with Soobin 6 feet deep in love with Yeonjun and Yeonjun 6 feet deep in hate for Soobin.) _

The next day I woke up early, the night was just fading out and the brightness was settling in.I had always been a light sleeper, never treating it more than a necessity.

Yeonjun had another reason to hate me. He had always enjoyed sleeping, my movements would awaken him and he would harshly remark ,

“Didn’t you say you love me? Even if you had nothing to do at home all day long, could you be more considerate to the sleep required by others”

I could do nothing but smile , I could only smile , smile widely hoping for it to warm the stone of a heart that Yeonjun had.

Would my smile have any effect on him? I was always told that my smile could eclipse even the radiance of the morning sun. That my smile could cause the flowers to bloom and the wind to flow , yet it had failed to warm the heart of the man I had held so closely to my heart.My smile failed to do something that I desired for the most.

I had started hating everything about my smile these days, what use was it if it could not lift my love’s spirits ?

Perhaps I was quiet enough today. Yeonjun did not wake up. He was still sleeping, his back presented towards me and arms tucked under his head .

I got up to cook breakfast for Yeonjun.

Yeonjun loved to eat cold noodles. The spicy ones. In this world ,it was only Yeonjun for whom I was willing to learn how to cook.

It hadn't been easy. To learn how to cook the noodles I had wasted more than a kg of noodles.Luckily God had taken my side and now I could cook them perfectly.At Least I think I did, I never really got a confirmation form the one I cooked for.

Yeonjun had never praised the noodles , but I could only hope that the tiny satisfaction in his eyes was the content of eating something delicious.

I had learned to cook for him but all I got in return was a cold sneer and a dull look. He did not even call out my name anymore. In the recent months he had gone from addressing me as ‘Soobin’ to addressing me as Mr. Choi.

Perhaps the more I tried the more I failed .

Yeonjun saw me staring at him and in a voice subtly laced with irritation he asked me, “ Mr. Choi , did you want something from me? I apologize but I don’t think I have enough materialistic riches to fulfill any of your requests .”

“ What are you saying Yeonjun? I don’t need anything from you ! I just wanted to ask, did you taste anything different in the noodles today?”

Yeonjun looked at me , it looked as though he was a bit angered at my interruption now , “No.”

I thanked him quietly .

Today I added soy sauce instead of chili paste. How could you not taste anything different? Had you simply stopped trying to taste?

Had living with me made your life so dull and so colourless that all food tastes bland and looked black and white? Had the shades of grey lining your world before me disappeared ?

I am sorry if it had.Yeonjun, I am sorry for loving you as such , I am sorry for being so foolishly in love and so crazily in love with you,but I can't let you go just yet. I am sorry.

_ I hurt you everyday and I hurt myself too , but this is my love , sweet as honey yet toxic as ivy , fragile as glass yet beautiful as the sunrise on a lake. I love you with all my being , I know it is hurting us , but this love is all I know now. _

**Author's Note:**

> Did you like it ?  
> Please dont forget to leave a comment/ kudos if you did !


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